I'm sure there are many people out there (mainly Conneaut Lake alumni) who assume I'm either a)rich or b)enjoy coming from wealth. I hate to break it to them and anyone else who surmises these things, but I'm not and I don't.
I've moved from a predominantly poor area to a rich one three years ago. It seems as if my father's ilk has been cloned and placed here. The people are conceited, and if you aren't a teacher, doctor, or a lawyer, you're not only unworthy of their interaction with you, you're as valuable as a McDonald's employee. Fuck that.
I've seen some depressing outcomes of attaining wealth, because I'M CONSTANTLY VICTIMIZED BY IT IN MY OWN FAMILY. I've seen retirement, expensive cars, racing to make lofty accomplishments before rigor mortis sets in, and selling homes precede family values. I've seen doctors sell crystal vases for a dollar. I've seen the wives of the elite in this community not willing to allow plebeians to haggle at a yard sale, because the Vera Bradley purse being sold was worth $10 to the $80 required of the original purchase; $5 was not going to cut it.
It's sickening.
What the hell ever happened to making sure your children were happy? That they were comfortable approaching you when they had emotional problems as teenagers, or financial problems as adults? What happened to making sure your 20some-year-old adult children had the best possible start in life by helping consolidate their debt?
My fucking father was so wrapped up in selling homes to make money for his retirement, that he didn't care about moving across the state, and from town to town. He didn't care that his children were having emotional problems from it, or that he was dragging my mother along with it, and forcing her to be his fucking waif all the time. He thinks the reason I dragged my ass to therapy a couple of years ago was my fault, instead of the result of being abused by him and by everyone that went to my fucking schools, or perhaps dealing with a mental disorder for 21 years by myself. The nervous breakdown was coming. He's spent so much time working, enjoying his recognition for his work at UPS and the gallery, that he's failed to see how he's failed US.
Now he's announced that TJ and I will NOT receive an inheritance. "There's no point in leaving anything for your children, because the government will take half."
Thanks a lot, asshole. I'll make sure you get a pine box when I stick you in the ground.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Evil In-Laws.
I found a hilarious group on Facebook, which I would join, but my FIL and SIL would be pissed off, hence drama would ensue. It's called "Evil In-Laws." The (ingenious!) creator of the group also posted notes categorizing the different MIL personality types. Here's mine, and recommended advice for coping with her bullshit.
Nightmare Mother-In-Law
The Judge:
She was perfect when she married her husband. Your mother-in-law has no negative history. They lived a blissful courtship and he was the very first kiss. Consequently, you have made errors in your past and she is quick to decide what kind a woman you will be in the future. Your style indicates one thing, your mannerisms another, and no matter what you do, your mother-in-law is always looking down on you and sizing up your faults.
Coping: Realize that her manner of judgment may be the result of past issues with her own in-laws or parents. Most judgmental people are the result of personal faults they do not want exposed or a history of being bullied. Quickly change the subject if issues brought about are extremely personal in nature, and realize that there is no such thing as a perfect past. Your spouse chose you for a reason, and although your mother-in-law may dwell on your faults and assumptions she has made about your future, there is no reason for you to do the same.
If you can not find a successful diffusion method, limit the amount of time spent absorbing your mother-in-law's assumptions by always having an agenda of other things to discuss. Judges need time to be proven incorrect about your character. This can take years.
I know I've probably beaten the proverbial "dead horse" , but she still gossips about me behind my back, and instead of telling James, she tells Jayne, the Princess of Gossip, who tells him that I apparently need a part-time job because we don't have a house (and therefore must be incapable of affording anything "better"). "Don't you want more?" She asked him on the phone. Then, when the conversation turned to me, since she loves to take as many stabs at me as possible. I didn't hear the exact quote regarding myself needing a part-time job, I heard "I know she has a disability..." more hushed verbiage..."But that's just my opinion."
Actually, HER FATHER has the QUOTE OF THE CENTURY about opinions. It's not profound, it's not Kierkegaard, but it works: "Opinions are like assholes, every has them, and they all stink." If I may, I'll give an addendum: They're all useless, especially coming from a third-party source.
Jayne thrives on gossip. She makes what she perceives to be informed decisions about other people, many of whom she hasn't attempted to speak with one-on-one, through gossip, primarily that of her mother. There's one comment I will NEVER FORGIVE Diane for, and that is this. She said, a few years ago, regarding my ADHD and parenting: "She'll probably leave her kids at the grocery store." FUCK YOU. Your mental transgressions exceed that of any of your imposed limitations on my abilities or intellect. Jayne, like her mother, is two-faced and fake. They both have what is referred to as the same "love language". Everyone shows kindness or affection differently, obviously. Their "love language" is bestowing people with gifts and engaging in immense socialization, which, in many instances, invites intense scrutiny when the victim (other person) is absent. You can give me as much shit as you want. I do appreciate it, and I don't invalidate that appreciation by talking massive shit on people to their family/friends. If they would ask me, I'd tell them the same thing, and yeah, I DO talk about them, but only because James apprised me of their behavior. I will also be the first to admit that I'm also wrong for doing it.
I know more about their personal lives than they realize. This is not because I'm assumptive, but because James has told me, whether in passing or not. I know Jayne, like me, was picked on in junior high. Granted, I've put up with that shit my whole life, but it's all the same. According to James, she was criticized by her peers for being "fat" and "nerdy." She told her family about it. In an effort to secure her self-esteem (no harm or foul in that), she started playing sports, cheerleading, and joined the marching band. She made honest, respectable efforts to socialize, as did I. In addition to being involved in more extracurricular activies, she tried to infiltrate the "popular" high school cliques. I did the same, and didn't have much success, because I wasn't WILLING TO CHANGE WHO I WAS TO FIT IN. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for her. She started bullying students in the same fashion she was bullied, and began putting other people down verbally to build herself up. This resulted in her popularity, helped her form her relationship with Matt, won her "better" friends, and become Homecoming Queen (literally).
She turns to her mother, Cosmo, and other socialites to define what is "normal" for her, whether it's her interests, values, or character judgements. She used to devalue herself for being "weak" when she was kind to other people, sees this quality in me, and thus perceives me to be weak. I waited years to call her on her bullshit, and because I didn't fulfill her fake-ass, supposed expectations to be James' perfect, non-Celiac, non-ADHD, Paris-Hilton-esque, white collar, brick-and-mortar employed, house dwelling, dog owning, solipcistic, gossipy, bi-polar acting wife, she thinks I'm not good enough for him, JUST AS SHE BELIEVES ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T SUIT HER OPINIONS IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER.
I wasn't put on earth of fulfill anyone's expectations except my own, and I think everyone should regard himself/herself as the same. This is similar to how my home-based business works. I set the bar. I determine how much I make. I put my heart and soul into it, just like a home-cooked meal, a poem, or my incessant passion for music. That's me, and I'm not changing myself to suit my in-laws' or anyone else's needs.
That being said, I don't want Jayne and Diane to change the clothes they wear, stop shopping, or stop going to church. Although I want the gossiping to stop, I realize it won't. All that I ask is that they at least ATTEMPT to see what a good live James and I have. Look around the apartment. Look at our values of other people and the world around us. Look at how we treat THEM. I respect them more than they respect me. What I DO want to stop is the posing of questions to James via phone or otherwise about me, my income, my intelligence, my ADHD, and my validity as a human being, because I never FUCKING ASK THEM ABOUT THEIR STUPIDITY. There's no need to ask another couple about the minutiae of their marriage, even if it's your son or brother. We don't care how much you make, what you're buying this week, or what landscaping you did this Sunday. We see your doing well, congratulations. Now shut the fuck up and keep your opinions out of our ears.
Nightmare Mother-In-Law
The Judge:
She was perfect when she married her husband. Your mother-in-law has no negative history. They lived a blissful courtship and he was the very first kiss. Consequently, you have made errors in your past and she is quick to decide what kind a woman you will be in the future. Your style indicates one thing, your mannerisms another, and no matter what you do, your mother-in-law is always looking down on you and sizing up your faults.
Coping: Realize that her manner of judgment may be the result of past issues with her own in-laws or parents. Most judgmental people are the result of personal faults they do not want exposed or a history of being bullied. Quickly change the subject if issues brought about are extremely personal in nature, and realize that there is no such thing as a perfect past. Your spouse chose you for a reason, and although your mother-in-law may dwell on your faults and assumptions she has made about your future, there is no reason for you to do the same.
If you can not find a successful diffusion method, limit the amount of time spent absorbing your mother-in-law's assumptions by always having an agenda of other things to discuss. Judges need time to be proven incorrect about your character. This can take years.
I know I've probably beaten the proverbial "dead horse" , but she still gossips about me behind my back, and instead of telling James, she tells Jayne, the Princess of Gossip, who tells him that I apparently need a part-time job because we don't have a house (and therefore must be incapable of affording anything "better"). "Don't you want more?" She asked him on the phone. Then, when the conversation turned to me, since she loves to take as many stabs at me as possible. I didn't hear the exact quote regarding myself needing a part-time job, I heard "I know she has a disability..." more hushed verbiage..."But that's just my opinion."
Actually, HER FATHER has the QUOTE OF THE CENTURY about opinions. It's not profound, it's not Kierkegaard, but it works: "Opinions are like assholes, every has them, and they all stink." If I may, I'll give an addendum: They're all useless, especially coming from a third-party source.
Jayne thrives on gossip. She makes what she perceives to be informed decisions about other people, many of whom she hasn't attempted to speak with one-on-one, through gossip, primarily that of her mother. There's one comment I will NEVER FORGIVE Diane for, and that is this. She said, a few years ago, regarding my ADHD and parenting: "She'll probably leave her kids at the grocery store." FUCK YOU. Your mental transgressions exceed that of any of your imposed limitations on my abilities or intellect. Jayne, like her mother, is two-faced and fake. They both have what is referred to as the same "love language". Everyone shows kindness or affection differently, obviously. Their "love language" is bestowing people with gifts and engaging in immense socialization, which, in many instances, invites intense scrutiny when the victim (other person) is absent. You can give me as much shit as you want. I do appreciate it, and I don't invalidate that appreciation by talking massive shit on people to their family/friends. If they would ask me, I'd tell them the same thing, and yeah, I DO talk about them, but only because James apprised me of their behavior. I will also be the first to admit that I'm also wrong for doing it.
I know more about their personal lives than they realize. This is not because I'm assumptive, but because James has told me, whether in passing or not. I know Jayne, like me, was picked on in junior high. Granted, I've put up with that shit my whole life, but it's all the same. According to James, she was criticized by her peers for being "fat" and "nerdy." She told her family about it. In an effort to secure her self-esteem (no harm or foul in that), she started playing sports, cheerleading, and joined the marching band. She made honest, respectable efforts to socialize, as did I. In addition to being involved in more extracurricular activies, she tried to infiltrate the "popular" high school cliques. I did the same, and didn't have much success, because I wasn't WILLING TO CHANGE WHO I WAS TO FIT IN. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for her. She started bullying students in the same fashion she was bullied, and began putting other people down verbally to build herself up. This resulted in her popularity, helped her form her relationship with Matt, won her "better" friends, and become Homecoming Queen (literally).
She turns to her mother, Cosmo, and other socialites to define what is "normal" for her, whether it's her interests, values, or character judgements. She used to devalue herself for being "weak" when she was kind to other people, sees this quality in me, and thus perceives me to be weak. I waited years to call her on her bullshit, and because I didn't fulfill her fake-ass, supposed expectations to be James' perfect, non-Celiac, non-ADHD, Paris-Hilton-esque, white collar, brick-and-mortar employed, house dwelling, dog owning, solipcistic, gossipy, bi-polar acting wife, she thinks I'm not good enough for him, JUST AS SHE BELIEVES ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T SUIT HER OPINIONS IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER.
I wasn't put on earth of fulfill anyone's expectations except my own, and I think everyone should regard himself/herself as the same. This is similar to how my home-based business works. I set the bar. I determine how much I make. I put my heart and soul into it, just like a home-cooked meal, a poem, or my incessant passion for music. That's me, and I'm not changing myself to suit my in-laws' or anyone else's needs.
That being said, I don't want Jayne and Diane to change the clothes they wear, stop shopping, or stop going to church. Although I want the gossiping to stop, I realize it won't. All that I ask is that they at least ATTEMPT to see what a good live James and I have. Look around the apartment. Look at our values of other people and the world around us. Look at how we treat THEM. I respect them more than they respect me. What I DO want to stop is the posing of questions to James via phone or otherwise about me, my income, my intelligence, my ADHD, and my validity as a human being, because I never FUCKING ASK THEM ABOUT THEIR STUPIDITY. There's no need to ask another couple about the minutiae of their marriage, even if it's your son or brother. We don't care how much you make, what you're buying this week, or what landscaping you did this Sunday. We see your doing well, congratulations. Now shut the fuck up and keep your opinions out of our ears.
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